I WAS ASKED “WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NINJA TURTLE?”
MY REPLY:
uhmmm… duh! MIKE OF COURSE!!
I JUST REFERENCED A NINJA TURTLE LIKE IT WAS A CLOSE FRIEND. JESUS.
I’VE ALWAYS WONDERED ABOUT THE GUYS WHO KEEP VISITING WITHOUT A MESSAGE
Yeah I know I keep visiting your profile. Never could find anything to say. I tend to shut up around funny people. They judge. A lot.
And so yes that`s all I could come up with.
Fuck it.
Am Chirag.
ADDED TO THE FAVORITES LIST OF:
sleepy_whispers added you to his favorites list
DATE RAPE FANTASY HERE I COME!
THIS GUY THINKS I’M SOMEONE ELSE
I remember you from when I used to go to comedy school. You probably don’t remember me. I got kicked out of advanced class plus I got lazy so most of the comedy I have is reserved for coworkers and girls I’m trying to impress.
Your profile is a fun ride. I find it comical that people hit you up for comedy career advice. Ha I guess they assume you’re a semifamous local celebrity who’s just too famous to meet real down to earth people that aren’t tryibg to get at your fat bank account. That’s almost the plot of a movie with drew Barrymore I think.
Anyway thinks for checking out my profile but ignoring me otherwise. I’m just your regular borderline creepy Guy that’s too lazy to stalk and indulge his creepy fantasies. I guess I just need motivation. I still haven’t found “the one” that makes me want to perv out and dig through their garbage. Only time will tell.
Arkady
PS tell Adam I say what’s up. We could have had a beautiful mentor/comedian thing I just never got my shit together ; )
I DID LOOK AT HIS PROFILE, BUT DIDN’T LIKE HIM… MY SPIDER SENSES WERE RIGHT AFTER I GOT THIS MESSAGE:Anyway thinks for checking out my profile but ignoring me otherwise. I ACTUALLY DID ANSWER THIS ONE:
you have me confused with someone else. i never attended the comedy college. have a nice day.
AND NOW THE WAITING GAME…
1992 CALLED. THEY WANT MARKY MARK’S DIALOGUE BACK
Hi
I just saw your profile and I think you’re hella fresh! I was wondering if we could talk? Even if I’m not your type, friendship is dope too.
NOTHING ABOUT THIS MESSAGE WILL BE CLEVER? WTF
Hi. My name is Mike. Most guys will try to impress you in the opening message by being funny, but since you are a professional comic, I will not try this tack. Nothing about this message will be clever, except for this exceptionally clever decision to be unsparingly unfunny. And everyone knows that the least funny and most irritating thing you can do is to present self-referential humor about comedy. Only in the hands of a very select few can meta-comedy be funny. I am not one of those few, so in my case, it will just be trite and amateurish and basically annoying.
I hope I have succeeded in making you cringe and that, by some perverse logic, you will look at my profile and then write back to me.
WHY WOULD YOU EVER START A CONVERSATION LIKE THIS?
I’m not a creeper, just a new resident of SF looking to get out and about tonight and have a few drinks with someone friendly and fun. Want to meet at The Page or Wazeima for a couple?
SHO GIRLGIRL?
What’s good with you girlgirl, my name is sho and id love to get to know you. Hit me back when you get a chance, we should talk ;)
I MENTION ON MY PROFILE THAT I HAVE NEVER OWNED UGGS
MESSAGE: But you’re missing out on the cozy walks thru the mall. Not.
(THIS DUDE IS 40. 40 YEAR OLDS, STOP SAYING THE WORD NOT. NO ONE SAYS NOT. NOT.)
WHY DO I GET THESE AMAZING MESSAGES FROM THE UGLIEST MEN ON THE PLANET?
I just finished reading your entire profile, which apparently is something us guys dont often do. Im not saying that makes me special or anything, Im just saying that I enjoyed it.
some things about me that match your criteria:
I am not now, nor do I ever want to be, a comedian. But, I can be funny, goofy, snarky, and almost always a smart ass. I am southern and was raised with manners. I, and I alone pay my bills. I have a wonderful job that I am excited about. I tend to be affectionate and sweet with my SO. Im weird, im a nerd, I love video games (i work in that realm), Im a designer, an artist, a music dork, im tall, pale and skinny and I dont own flip flops.
I am of the opinion that we should meet. Even if sparks dont fly, I think we would at least have fun together. If you agree, awesome. Drop me a line some time.
cheers
todd
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